holding the space

Kate Evans, Executive Director for Researcher Data and Product, Our Future Health.

The Women in Science group was established in 2023 as a space for women in leadership positions within a science/technical related role in the UK. This group provides an opportunity for like-minded participants to share common challenges, offer support and guidance for one another through the use of open communication channels. Externally, the group represents credible and successful role models who are keen to be the figureheads in challenging the status quo, promote professionalism, share their experience and learnings and advocate the need to have women in positions of leadership and seniority across the board.

My name is Kate Evans and I am Executive Director for Researcher Data and Product at Our Future Health.

Women often talk about their imposter syndrome – the feeling that they don’t deserve to be somewhere, or that they haven’t achieved enough, or that they are just not good enough.  I am not for a moment saying that imposter syndrome is a “woman thing” – in fact I know that it is not- but I do think women think, and probably worry, about it more.  I thought I’d have a go at writing about my imposter syndrome, how I manage it, and how, on a good day, I even appreciate that little voice in my head that tells me that I am not yet good enough or that I don’t know something. 

A couple of years ago, I decided I wanted a career change.  I had worked in a large government department for nearly two decades.  Over those years, I took on some unique and exciting roles and I worked with – and learned from – some truly excellent people. There were many and varied challenges over the years and I learned a lot from them: about myself, about leadership, and about how to get things done.  But, in the latter years in my former career, I very rarely felt like an imposter, in fact, if anything, I felt like part of the furniture.  If there was a problem, I knew how to navigate the organisation, who to work with, and who to influence to solve it.  I was in my comfort zone, and I wasn’t learning enough.  It was that lack of imposter feeling that told me it was time for a change.

And then I joined Our Future Health…and my imposter syndrome had a party.

Our Future Health is an organisation full of extremely talented people – from prestigious scientists, to clinicians, to tech-startup veterans, to ethicists, and health policy influencers. My colleagues are experts in their fields.  I would describe myself as a generalist.  I’ve done a lot of things across data, product, tech, policy, operations and governance.  I’ve led a lot of change, built and scaled teams and delivered some tricky, risky and ambitious projects, but I would never describe myself as expert in any of these areas. At Our Future Health, I could feel like an imposter in every single meeting.

When I joined two and a half years ago, Our Future Health felt like a startup.  We’re a scale-up transitioning to being a sustainable organisation now, but a couple of years ago the whole start-up vibe felt alien to me.  I was used to navigating a complex organisation and some obscure processes to get stuff done.  Two and a half years ago, it didn’t feel like Our Future Health really had any processes or established ways of working.  It was fun – but disorientating.

Health data and research was also a new world for me.  I had built large-scale data and analytics teams and capabilities, but not in the health domain.  I still, on occasion, resort to Google for plain language explanations of scientific and clinical terminology. 

I had left government wanting to escape my comfort zone.  On joining Our Future Health, I lost all sense of where my comfort zone might be.  I was permanently an imposter.  

I’ve learned a few things about being an imposter.  Here are my tips:

Remember that you are not the only one.  Feeling like an imposter is a sign of self-awareness – and self-awareness is definitely a good thing.  Being aware of your weaknesses and what you don’t know probably means that you will be more open to listening and to learning. Without some self-awareness you are at risk of being an arrogant and self-righteous t**t – and I, for one, don’t want to work with these people and I definitely don’t want to be one. I can guarantee that in whatever work situation you are in, there will be at least one other person who is feeling like an imposter.  Not everyone has the courage to admit it.

Figure out and focus on where you can add unique value.  We all have strengths and areas where we can add unique value.  My value is not that I am expert in any one discipline, but that I have worked with, and across, many.  This means I am actually quite good at helping people to understand each other and to work together and to bring their unique expertise to achieve a shared goal. I can always improve obviously, we are all a work in progress, but this is an area where I play well.

Trust your instincts.  This piece of advice is probably most relevant in the context of a career change, but when you’re in a new and unfamiliar situation it can be very easy to go along with things because you don’t feel you know enough to advocate for an alternative path.  When I look back on my early days at Our Future Health, there were definitely things that didn’t feel quite right – my gut told me that I should do things differently- but because I was outside of my comfort zone I didn’t trust myself enough. I had a lot of experience to draw on, particularly when it comes to managing and leading people and teams.  Reflecting now, I can see that my instincts were right. 

Never stop giving yourself permission to ask what you think might be a stupid question.   I can guarantee that at least 50% of people in any meeting are wondering the same thing, but will sit in silence.  It takes leadership courage to say, “Hang on, what are we even talking about?” or “Can we rewind a bit? I haven’t got my head around this yet”.   By asking a ‘stupid’ question you are giving others permission to do so too – and that is really important.  If people are not clear about what needs to be done, then how can they contribute effectively?  We are all more effective when we understand what we are trying to achieve and why.

Lean in to take control of situations where your imposter is at risk of taking over.  I recently had the privilege of participating in a panel discussion on the main stage of the Festival of Genomics and Biodata. I was on stage alongside three fabulous women: Naomi Allen, Chief Scientist from UKBiobank; Ellen Thomas, Chief Medical Officer from Genomics England and Nathalie Kingston, Director for Translational Research at NIHR BioResource. I don’t have a science or medical background and felt like an accidental tourist amongst such a brilliant group of women. The voice in my head was telling me that I didn’t deserve to be on this stage alongside Naomi, Ellen and Nathalie.  There was no way I was going to allow myself to pass up the opportunity, so I made a decision to lean in – I volunteered to Chair the discussion.  That way, I could guide the flow, prepare where I would contribute, and stay grounded in what I know.

A bit of preparation can go a long way.  I regularly practise what I am going to say before an important meeting or presentation.  I don’t just run it through in my head, but I say it out loud and I record it so that I can hear myself.  I don’t always play it back (I hate the sound of my recorded voice!), but just the act of rehearsing the message helps me land it more clearly.

Cut yourself some slack. This is by far the most important piece of advice.  Ultimately, the imposter is in our heads. We are good enough. We do deserve to be here.  We have achieved some incredible things – and we will achieve many more.  Not one of us is perfect- and if we were we’d be incredibly boring. 

The moral of the story? If you can learn to work with your imposter syndrome, it can become your friend.  It’ll help you identify when and where you need to grow.  It’ll nudge you towards opportunities to learn, to be curious, and to do new things. It’ll push you outside of your comfort zone – and sometimes you will fail. But that’s okay. That’s what makes life fun.

As I sign off this blog post, I probably need to make one final confession.  This is a Women in Science group.  My first degree was in French, Spanish and EU politics (yes, I am still traumatized by Brexit), so this probably makes me an imposter here too!