holding the space

The Women in Science group was established in 2023 as a space for women in leadership positions within a science/technical related role in the UK. This group provides an opportunity for like-minded participants to share common challenges, offer support and guidance for one another through the use of open communication channels. Externally, the group represents credible and successful role models who are keen to be the figureheads in challenging the status quo, promote professionalism, share their experience and learnings and advocate the need to have women in positions of leadership and seniority across the board.

My name is Charlie Porter and I am the Business Manager for the Regional Public Sector team at Amazon Web Services.

I have recently come back from seven months maternity leave after having twins in May. As with any twin pregnancy it was categorised as high risk which meant lots of doctors’ appointments – and a lot of morning sickness! Having a supportive manager who let me work flexibly whilst continuously holding the space for me in rooms where I was physically absent was a huge support and relief.

My mother is my role model and the kind of mother I aspire to be. She has always been a supportive and involved mother whilst maintaining a very successful legal career which she loves. I’ve therefore seen first-hand that it’s possible to do both and I’ve always known that I wanted to keep working after having children. Yet a conversation with a colleague who explained that I’d never know how I’d feel about my career until I had children really stuck in my mind and resulted in me constantly waiting for the moment to come when I decided I wasn’t a “career woman”. It was a shame that this thought lingered throughout my maternity leave.

The girls were born and I felt extremely lucky to have two gorgeous babies, who I adored spending time with. This remains true but, as the initial tiredness wore off, I found the sudden change from spending my day using my brain, to not using it in the same way, more of a shock than I had anticipated. I worked myself up about my career, progression and renumeration, which in hindsight was a waste of precious time from the babies and was something I had no ability to influence. My boss was very protective of my time and didn’t involve me with work throughout my maternity leave which I hugely appreciate as it meant I could really enjoy the time with my children without distraction.

Both before and during my maternity leave I was repeatedly met with shock at “only” taking seven months off, and was regularly told (by male and female colleagues, with and without children) that either I’d come to regret this decision later on, or I’d change my mind and extend my leave when returning came closer. These responses made me feel guilty and like a bad mother – when I am well aware that being able to take seven months off is a luxury. I leant on the excuse that I had to go back to work for financial reasons which, whilst true, wasn’t the only driver. I missed work and wanted to progress my career.

Coming back to work has been a very positive experience – I have been happy to see my colleagues again, happy to be learning every day, building my career and getting this part of my self back. I am also delighted to finish work at the end of the day and spend time with my daughters! This process has been made a lot easier by my manager’s and colleagues’ actions. These include 1) enabling me to work flexibly for the first few months, meaning I can see my daughters in the day even if just for two minutes, as I miss them hugely when I’m in the office and 2) my team mates making an effort to say hello in the office or virtually and saying I have been missed. The latter sounds simple but has made me feel welcome. It has also helped ease imposter syndrome – which I didn’t experience before – as I try to find the right balance for me between career person and mother. I over-think comments I make in meetings and how I am coming across and worry that I am either talking about the babies too much or not enough. I even over-thought writing this blog! As a result, I tried to use an AWS Generative AI tool to help me but the blog post it produced referenced taking your time, asking for help, easing back in etc, none of which resonated with me. This only further proved my hunch that the overall experience of having children is particularly personal and depends on the individual – not even Generative AI can tell you how someone will feel!

Whilst not a “senior” woman in science like the other extraordinary women in this group, I acknowledge that many readers of this blog will have people in their teams having children, or thinking of it themselves. The main advice I can give from my experience so far is…

• If you are thinking about having children, remember that nobody knows you better than yourself
• If a colleague is speaking to you about anything related to this topic, unless they explicitly ask for advice, the most helpful thing you can do is listen – do not tell them how they are going to feel!  
• If you are a manager to someone thinking about having children / pregnant / on parental leave / coming back to work, 1) take practical steps to make their return and re-integration easier for them and 2) take the time to really listen to them and don’t presume how they will feel – as it will be different for everyone